Being a Mentor: A Road Least Taken...

“Some say they are born, some say they are made. What we believe might not matter, but the truth is, they believe, hence, they are!”

-          Tulika Singh

Every day begins with a rising sun, and so does our cycle of life. In this journey we fall, we fight, we defend the wrong and right, we strive for peace, we get hurt, we make mistakes, but amongst all this if there is something constant, it’s the process of learning. Our learning, when encountered for a period of time, becomes experience. And we all know, experience is our best mentor in life. It has a typical style of teaching. It first gives us the test and then the lesson! But then, why do we need a mentor? Why can we not depend entirely on our and others' experiences? What makes a mentor, so special?

A mentor is a route-map in disguise. We cannot always wait for the test to learn the lesson. A mentor teaches us what is wrong, right, and better! Your mother tells you “child, speed thrills but kills…” imagine a situation otherwise? Can you afford to hamper yours or others' life first and then learn the lesson? I hope the answer is no. Some believe, faith begins only when efforts come to an end, but to some, faith is a mere excuse! Both are driven by personal experiences, some of their own, some inherited, and some by an external stimuli. We need to understand the need of the hour and act, and not every time we can afford abiding by our/others' experiences. A pessimist knows only of the glass half empty, an optimist knows only of the glass half full, while an opportunist would simply drink it while the two fight. Our experiences differ vis-à-vis our attitude. And at times like these, we need a walking stick – a mentor!

Your mentor need not be a teacher, a spokesperson, a family member, a friend; all he needs to be is a well wisher. He sticks with you but not too much, he walks with you without making it eerie, he holds your back but makes sure not to be a stalker, he holds your hand but doesn’t pull/push, he hugs you but doesn’t let you depend, he wipes your tears not to tell you “I am with you” but to remind you “you are strong still!” A true mentor would never try to overpower or listen to all your grievances, just because he is NOT there to solve your problems, but only to guide. If you go back to the holy books of India you realize how the Vasudevs would never “advise” Lord Shiva. The reason they gave was simple,”if we tell you what we think or conclude, you would do as we say. This would kill the purpose of your existence my Lord!” And true enough, if I today listen to all your troubles and advise you of what I understand, the purpose of your existence is killed. Love other, but not more than you love yourself; you are the only one who stays with you till the very end of your journey – pay the heed!

But what if a mentor goes wrong? One of my class-mates today asked me to pickup this topic. And as I write I realize how imperative it is for all of us to understand this simple fact – a teacher teaches best when he mentors and not dictates! But that’s not the case always, is it? Definitely not! At times without even realizing we fall in the hands of people who impose knowledge and least are their efforts to guide! I consider this as an offense. As a student I long to develop, not only on the outside, but also on the inside and for this the sole push is a good motivator. But some teachers fail at their most basic tasks. Pythagoras, Nathan Hale, Annie Sullivan, Leona Edwards and our very own Swami Vivekanand were teachers, but more than that, preachers of an idea. That idea was never to lead the crowd but to direct people and give them freedom to accept or reject. A man who cannot answer doubts, reason well, state examples, or differentiate cannot be a guide for someone. Today, the spirit of capitalism has consumed the very fact that “quality overpowers quantity”. We even teach for money and not passion. In this vast life we have ended up with a small heart, a small vision and a small character.

Being a mentor is a gift least have. If you are one, embrace it, if you want to be one, engrave it in your hearts. You just might not get a second chance to spread a smile. Do it, and do it now.